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Give Before You Get

January 1st, 2013

This first appeared in my LinkedIn Today column titled Give Before You Get. I post unique content on LinkedIn a few times a month (I ultimately reblog it here) but if you want to get it when I first publish it and you are a LinkedIn member, simply follow me on LinkedIn.

As 2013 begins, I encourage you to adopt one of my deeply held beliefs, that of “give before you get.”

I’ve lived my adult working life – first as an entrepreneur, next as an angel investor, and now as a venture capitalist and a writer – using this credo. It’s a core tenant of the Boulder Startup Community, which I discuss extensively in Startup Communities: How To Build an Entrepreneur Ecosystem in Your City. And it’s at the heart of how I live my personal life and is part of the glue that holds together the awesome relationship I have with my wife Amy Batchelor.

In order to give before you get, adopt a philosophy of helping others without an expectation of what you are going to get back. It’s not altruistic – you do expect to get things in return – but you don’t set up the relationship to be a transactional one.

In a business context, my favorite example of this is the difference between a mentor and an advisor. The word “mentor” has become very popular and trendy recently, yet few people really understand what it means, and many mentors are actually advisors. To understand the difference, here’s an example. An advisor says “I’ll help you with your company if you give me 1% of the equity” or “I’d be happy to spend up to a day a month advising you if you give me a retainer of $3,000.” A mentor says, simply, “how can I help?”

As a partner at Foundry Group, I interact with hundreds of entrepreneurs each week. I’m an investor in a few of their companies, but many of the people I intersect with are entrepreneurs whose company I’m not currently invested in. While a few of these companies are potential investments, the vast majority of them are companies I won’t end up being an investor in. Yet I try to be helpful to everyone who crosses my path, even if it’s an answer to a simple question, feedback on their product, or simply a response to their email that what they are working on isn’t something I’d be interested in investing in. Sure, I’m not perfect at this, but the number of entrepreneurs who have helped me in some unexpected way because of my approach to them dwarfs the energy I’ve “given.”

I believe that I’m playing a very long term game in business, and that my actions today will impact me in 20+ years. I feel the same way about my non-work life. My goal is to life as happy an existence on this planet as I can and, by giving before I get, I maximize my chance of this.

As you begin 2013, consider adopting a give before you get approach. It might surprise you what you’ll get!

http://www.feld.com bfeld

I just got an email with a great story attributed to the CEO of The Container Store from about 1996.

Principle #1: “Fill other people’s basket to the brim and yours will be over-flowing”

He told the story of his loading bay workers going out of their way to sweep out the back of the trucks delivering goods. And, supplying hot coffee (deliveries happen at about 5am…). This had the unexpected benefit of the best delivery drivers wanting the container store on their routes, being first to the store, etc… And even saved them some when there was a trucking “strike”. Such a simple act of kindness – sweeping and coffee — that paid off enormously.
- http://blog.kwiqly.com/ James Ferguson @kWIQly
  
  A co-founder of our startup used to run a boiler maintenance company (boilerhouses are often filfthy smelly places) – Each new hire was given a broom and told to use it after work. He still recalls one client calling on the phone laughing at how badly a new-recruit had screwed up a boiler combustion set up (oxygen / fuel trim) – but adding “send the same one back – I’ll show him what he missed” – and he explained that the decent cleaning made all the difference to him – and the boilerhouse.
  - http://www.feld.com bfeld
    
    Perfect. That’s in line with the post I wrote a while ago titled Have Every New Employee Do Customer Support For Two Weeks
    - http://blog.kwiqly.com/ James Ferguson @kWIQly
      
      Brad – read it – liked it !
      
      In a similar vein our sales teams hunt in pairs (newbie with industry seasoned consultant to win direct enterprise sales) until they start teaching their “superiors”.
      When strategic team stop learning the company is dead in the water. The bigger you are the more insight you miss from the coal face.
      
      It seems founders with VC money often distance themselves from the grunt work or buy comforts rather than building resilience and knowledge.
      
      It always surprised me that VCs don’t filter this out much earlier in their investment hypotheses. Go Big or Go Home has implications when it comes to information flow.
      
      Chinese whispers don’t scale ! – (Pleased with that line
      - http://www.feld.com bfeld
        
        I think a lot of VCs aren’t paying very close attention and/or don’t actually understand the value of this themselves!
      - http://twitter.com/diamantemonet Monet Diamante
        
        Brad, Great post (as usual.) I just finished a post about giving and I’d like to use the quote from The Container Store CEO. “Fill other people’s basket to the brim and yours will be over-flowing.” Who can I attribute that to?
      - http://www.feld.com bfeld
        
        I didn’t have direct attribution but since it was the CEO in the 1980′s I’d bet it was Kip Tindell.
Ashwin Bhambri

@Brad, I have personally connected with you via email for feedback on product & yes you have been very helpful and I am a big fan of your writing & prospective. “Do more faster” & “Venture Deals” were amazing (I am from the GAN Alumni) however I think with all good intentions you got it wrong in “Startup Communities” simply because you think everyone thinks & acts like you or would follow “Give before getting” & realistically that’s not the case in many experimental startup hubs and I can say this with real time experience & a majority of mentors sign-up for accelerator programs for the wrong reasons and dont really have anything value added to offer

As a startup founder I adopt & practice ‘Giving before getting’ passionately however as an observer there is no parallel to the love & giving you get from the tech community in the valley, Boulder & Boston I have reached out to total strangers and they have helped unconditionally however can that be replicated in emerging & experimental startup hubs globally is the question
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I don’t make the assumption at all that everyone acts that way. I’ve tried to be clear that is the EFFECTIVE way for them to act, especially in the context of a startup community. If people don’t act this way in the context of the startup community, it will not become something that is sustainable over the long-term.
  - Ashwin Bhambri
    
    I agree to that, the best you can do is charter a blueprint and its up to regional start-up communities to follow.
    
    Opinions are my own but start-ups & startup founders need a little bit of getting & love to be successful so they can give back when they make it and should be willing to go where ever it comes from
    
    Giving before getting worked amazingly well for us too, we were up against a dead-end as we did not have funds to complete our product so we thought lets do something worthwhile by repositioning what we have built for giving / sharing startup love at schools / colleges http://www.startup23.com and a few days back support came out of the blue as the word got around
    - http://www.feld.com bfeld
      
      Re: “Opinions are my own but start-ups & startup founders need a little bit of getting & love to be successful so they can give back when they make it and should be willing to go where ever it comes from” – we work hard to wire give before you get into TechStars. The mentors give before they get and the entrepreneurs within the program quickly internalize this and start “giving” to each other, and other members of the startup and TechStars community, very quickly.
StevenHB

“Pay it Forward” is a beautiful philosophy. The world is a better place when we’re nice to and respectful of each other. Did you ever see the movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0223897/)?
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I haven’t see it. On the list!
http://engag.io/ William Mougayar

That’s a great motto to live by. And I totally believe in it as well.

What do you think of what Clarity is doing – systemizing connecting entrepreneurs with mentors http://clarity.fm/home
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Just signed up for it to see how it works.
http://twitter.com/pranaysrinivasn Pranay Srinivasan

great thoughts . Very few people think of giving anything before receiving. Thats prolly why they stay petty. I am an entrepreneur in India and the number of people who have this mentality of give before you get wired into them is miniscule. Most boast a busy schedule but some plead arrogance and master of the world-itis.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Deeply rooted culture is hard to overcome but if enough people start, it becomes infectious if it’s good!
  - http://twitter.com/pranaysrinivasn Pranay Srinivasan
    
    So true! The other reason I sent you the pic of our babies was that this post made me think that dogs are the epitome of this sentiment, ‘give before receiving’ – they expect nothing and give so much of themselves thru their lives.
    - http://www.feld.com bfeld
      
      So true. It’s why we love them so much.
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http://www.engag.io/Abdallah Abdallah Al-Hakim

I have been fortunate to meet at one person in my life who follows the ‘give before you get’ and has become a mentor for the past 2.5 yrs. This kind of experience has instilled in me the same type of desire and I was glad when I saw this as a major theme in your startup communities book.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Thanks. Awesome that you have found a mentor who subscribes to this!
Brian G

Thanks for a great post. I had a true mentor that I lost to pancreatic cancer. He convinced me to leave a steady & well paying sales job and join him on a start up. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 2 years later and passed shortly after.

Now I am pivoting my second start up. It is early days but things are optimistic. I really wish he were still around to see me take the leap. Without him I would have never had the balls to even try. As he used to say ” I waited until I was 60 to take a shot. I lacked the guts. You are 30…what’s your excuse?”

Nothing… I now have it all on the line and wouldn’t turn back if I was offered a chance. I hope this new year everyone who is willing to listen can find a Peter E. to inspire them.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Great note – I’m glad you had a Peter E, even for a short time. Sounds like he was an awesome mentor.
  - Brian G
    
    Thanks Brad. He had a saying I still use about taking the leap: “You gotta ride her ’till she bucks ya, or don’t ride her at all” Although he never rode a bull (to my knowledge) funny how true it is once you are out on your own. If you have a better one let me know.
    - http://www.feld.com bfeld
      
      My dad used to say to me “if you aren’t standing on the edge, you are taking up to much space.” It’s one of my favorites that goes along nice with Yoda’s “Do or do not, there is no try.”
http://www.clickdesk.com/ Sudarshan

This is a lovely thought to start the new year Brad, but unfortunately there aren’t a whole lot of people who think along these lines; especially in a business context. Even the few who believe, are often put to stern test by people looking to exploit and get everything done for free. In business, even the symbiotic approach is often questioned, let alone doing things without expecting anything back. But, I am with you on this, all we can do is believe, practice and preach; hoping that the good will prevail.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I think it’s important to have this as a deeply held belief independent of everyone else’s behavior. I’ve found “give before you get” to be infectious – many of the non-believers start to believe when they see it in action. I’m happy to convert them one at a time!
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http://www.facebook.com/alexhammeronfaceb Alex Hammer

Do you practice this when it is difficult? There is certainly a time to cut bait, but the greatest rewards require persistence. Some do give up too easily. (and it’s not a numbers game, if you agree, but quality over quantity). Thanks Brad.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I try to do this all the time, with everyone. However, if someone simply takes and takes and takes eventually I get tired of giving. Sometimes I give up (a different form of giving) – but it takes a lot to push me over the edge.
  - http://www.facebook.com/alexhammeronfaceb Alex Hammer
    
    Me too. I share your philosophy.
dvasefi

Of all the great advice and feedback I’ve heard and read “Give before you Get” is the one that resonates most for me. It goes to the core of what humanity should be (and is) about and to see it practiced in a business setting where we’re used to seeing short term profit-only mentality it is so refreshing.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  And it’s REALLY satisfying to practice it over a long period of time.
http://www.themusingsofthebigredcar.com/ JLM

.

Great stuff, as usual.

Here are a couple of related thoughts written by a 1966 Impala.

http://themusingsofthebigredcar.com/mentoring-v-coaching-is-there-a-difference/

http://themusingsofthebigredcar.com/wishing-you-a-gray-haired-eminence-for-the-new-year/

.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  The Big Red Impala is almost as insightful as @FAKEGRIMLOCK. Almost.
  - http://www.themusingsofthebigredcar.com/ JLM
    
    .
    The Big Red Car met FG @ SXSW last year.
    
    Of course, the BRC will not eat you — one of the occupational hazards of getting too close to FB, no?
    .
    - http://www.feld.com bfeld
      
      Occupational hazard, but well worth the risk.
http://www.yanado.com/ Ivan Mojsilovic

Give Before You Get changed my life. It’s said I never heard it before. (before I stumbleupon feld.com)
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Awesome! Love that StumbleUpon lead you here.
http://www.bmnow.com/ Eran Laniado

Brad, I loved your emphasis on not setting up the relationship to be a transactional one. Unfortunately, in the business world too often giving is driven by ulterior motives.
No wonder that the second chapter of Robert Cialdini’s seminal book ‘Influence’ is titled:
‘Reciprocation: The old give and take… and take’.
Kare Anderson

Let me add, “give adeptly” before you ask. In other words, avoid giving some promotional thing of yours under the guise of “giving” and instead take the time to see what you can provide that is genuinely relevant for that person or organization. Demonstrate that you are stepping into their shoes with a sense of an “us” involve rather than an “all about me” attitude… Yes, this hit one of my hot buttons too, Brad, as a columnist who gets people reaching out, with little apparent knowledge of my topic. Relatedly, here’s a helpful way to get off on the right foot with others that is complementary to your theme here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kareanderson/2013/01/02/bring-out-their-best-side-to-be-happier-together/
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  Good point Kare. I guess I never worry to much about what people are giving me, but when something doesn’t line up with an interest of mine, I’m clear about it. And – I do separate between people “selling to me” or “promoting to me” and people “helping me.”
http://about.me/kirsten.lambertsen Kirsten Lambertsen

That’s the stuff, right there

It’s extremely uplifting for me that I am encountering *more* people these days who also practice this. It feels like a trend, a movement. It’s especially noticeable in the startup universe.

Give without expectation. Be grateful for everything. Just being here is the prize!
Max

i’m in full agreement. i’ve been adopting a similar approach for the past few years, and it’s given me so much. i have no money, but i have passion, so that’s what i like to give just started a blog actually, check it out. all feedback is appreciated! http://passioncapital.tumblr.com/

all the best in 2013!
http://www.asoftwarestartupguy.com David Miller

I was thinking about this exact thing over the winter holiday, and decided this year to do one “giving” thing for someone else every day without expecting anything in return. And I’m going to track what I did and who I did it for in a Google Doc.

If I’m lucky, I’ll find more than one thing to do for someone else each day.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I love this. I’m doing a random act of kindness once a week. Each Monday when I wake up I think of a gift to give someone unexpected. I then just do it, with no expectation back. The first one arrives tomorrow!
http://www.derekscruggs.com/ DJ

Wow, this is extremely timely for me. I’m planning to do some more mentoring this year to see if I like it as a career. The other day I created an application form: http://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/1123177/Mentoring-Application
Rupert Edwards

My wife and I have picked three F words for 2013 for raising our two young boys:
Fun. Flourish. Fruitful.

Fruitful: We want to enable them to grow into people who create and grow lives of value that nourish and feed their world.
Flourish: to grow in their natural gifts, skills and passions and enjoy pursuing fruitfulness with these as their tools.
Fun: it would be a grey world if they didn’t have fun during this process.

We are applying these words to ourselves too and I think they sit well with Give before you Get. We can can all give something to someone. Whether it be helping them calibrate the fruitful application of their energy and skill (mentor); the development of those skills (teacher / trainer) ; or simply bringing some fun into their lives and labours (friend).

The temptation is simp,y to have fun and flourish. Give before you Get reminds us not to stop there but to be fruitful too.
- http://www.feld.com bfeld
  
  I like this a lot. A simple coda, but a powerful one for you and your family.
http://www.beheroic.com/ Dan Linstroth

This message becomes even more powerful when coming from an authoritative voice who has experienced a lot of success. Thanks for writing, Brad.

Early on, it’s easy to get boxed into thinking that you must focus on yourself only to achieve success, always operating under the assumption that you can help others later. Putting others first, in an unselfish way, will have positive self-servicing benefits as well. But you emphasize the most critical point in this philosophy, that there must not be expectations on what you’ll get in return. Thanks for writing.
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