People often underestimate the number of people in their corner. Being vulnerable is like an ‘open sign’ for people to help. Those that care, and they are always out there, will come out of the wood work, be it users, customers, employees, colleagues, family, or general audiences.

I’m generally fearless wrt physical stuff (first career choice was motorcycle stuntman). That didn’t work out (‘nother story, ‘nother day), but the ‘fearlessness’ did play a part in my becoming an entrepreneur. I had an ‘abnormal’ risk-profile based upon my early adrenaline-fed successes on the bike.

But I wasn’t fearless there (here?) – in fact, I was scared shitless dozens of times: Quitting a good job. Taking no salary. Pitching (+ closing) investors. Making payroll. etc. etc.

I couldn’t possibly *show* any fear in these new areas, though. Fear is weakness and weakness is for losers. Fuck weakness. Fuck fear. Fuck the vulnerability that that would have shown.

Turns out the only thing I was fucking was myself. Showing vulnerability + asking for help is not a sign of weakness – it’s a huge show of faith in your own decision making, that you can trust others around you to actually help at the times when you aren’t fully able to do it (whatever *it* is) yourself.

They won’t always have the answer (who does?), but getting honest abt your fear – being vulnerable – is a huge step forward. It has been for me. I’ve shared this with only 3 or 4 people.

I guess I just shared it with the world.

Love this. Reminds me of a quote by 6th century Chinese Philosopher Lao-Tzu: “Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water
will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule,
whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid
and hard. This is another paradox: What is soft is strong.”

Thanks for sharing Brad. Great post.
Brené Brown gave a TED Talk about the power of vulnerability that I found very powerful. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Enjoying your book and wholeheartedly agree with your post here. At the heart of this is being true to who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and being ok with that. This resonates for me with things like people management. I can recall situations early in my career where I spent hours and hours trying to figure out how I would discuss a difficult topic with someone who worked for me – and how I would try to get them to perform better and do it in a way that showed I was a strong management figure you could not take advantage of. I was young, and I thought I was weak because this did not come naturally to me. I thought this weakness made me a bad manager. The truth is I was trying too hard to emulate my own boss who had a very direct and forceful style. It wasn’t my style so it didn’t work for me. One day I tried just being me – focusing on the facts of what was bothering me, why it was a problem, and what I needed from the person. Seems that worked better and since then I stopped worrying about projecting an image that says “don’t mess with me I’m the boss”. That should be obvious from how I personally perform, and what I do to take care of my team and nurture it. It’s not about knowing it all or being unapproachable or forceful. Anyways, just one example for what it’s worth.

Great post. Thanks.

Great post Brad. I would also add that being vulnerable makes better suited to absorb and learn from mistakes. Or in other words, it makes you more antifragile (a term borrowed from Nassim Taleb’s new book)

Nicely said, Brad. Every time you write about your perspective or experience on this blog, you are being vulnerable. I do the same and may, at the end of the day. Be why I write. I was bad at this as a kid. My parents were divorced and I was very uncomfortable with myself into my early twenties. One of the things I hope my daughters learn (6 and 4) is that being it there, being vulnerable, is a good thing not a bad one. Figuring out how to let that the criticism role off your back is the important part. (and that most of those making fun are really just jealous.)

Very well said.

Excellent! If we can not be open in any relationship and openly give and get feedback, we do a disservice to who we are and who we as partners in the venture can become.

Sounds like your living comes from speaking. This is double talk and political correctness gone a muck. There is a time for honesty and a time to stand for your beliefs and for what is right, not what is politically vogue. Great leaders listen to others but have some principles that they hold dear and let others know.

This is one of the primary reasons we started Startup Lancaster–it’s designed to be a safe place for founders to talk about their shit that they feel they can’t talk about with employees, investors, board members, spouses, etc because of the instability that can cause.

I’ve tried it both ways. While I’d like to agree with you, I think it depends on the cultural norms of the area. In mine, it is in fact looked at as weakness, and it destabilizes things. Employees get nervous. Investors get nervous. Board members get nervous. I’d get on the phone with JC.

So get a better class of investors? Tough enough to get the raise done. Employees? Cultural thing. Maybe we could have done better developing the culture.

And then I’d hear shit locally like “no wonder all of his companies went bankrupt” (none of my companies has gone bankrupt and 3 of 4 were/are successes. That was posted on Facebook by someone who should know libel better).

I’d prefer your way. Makes me want to move to Boulder. Or somewhere where it’s the norm. Until then, we have a private, founders-only group of 51 folks, with groups starting in Mechanicsburg and Allentown (soon Philly). First rule of Fight Club.

Does your approach of “Brutally Honest” involve carefully choosing words as well? I see that most people don’t like calling spade a spade and at times I tend to say – ‘It’s a feckin spade’ and It hasn’t really gone well with most. Especially at work environments, as they say, being “too honest” is not recommended.

While I completely agree that the ability to allow oneself to be vulnerable with others can be a very powerful trait in a leaders I am not sure that waht you speak of above is actually vulnerability. What is sounds like you are talking about to me is unfiltered opinion, mostly about other people. Vulnerability is about being brutally honest with yourself about your strengths, failings, fears, etc . . . and being able to openly share that with others. If that is what you meant, than great. If not, then you may need to rethink your premise.

Great post, Brad. Ditto what’s been said already… and, what I learned this past year was that the need to appear invulnerable is ultimately at the basis for the shame and guilt in American culture that drives our separation from each other, perfectionism and a lack of compassion for ourselves and each other.

Yes. Love the post. I’ve always tried to live by this; sometimes to a fault.

As a CEO (first time), showing (inside the company, and to the board) vulnerability is something I’ve always done. It’s real. I’ve found myself expressing too much vulnerability at times though. My lack of understanding about whether we should turn right or left in a given situation might not be clear to me in a given moment (real… vulnerable), but in some of those moments others around me do not want or appreciate the vulnerability at all.

I’ve found effectively leading is the balance between being open about vulnerability, and knowing when to convey nothing short of absolute conviction (of course only doing so when you indeed believe it). There are times people want to see the underbelly and to empathize with your decision making. There are times they want to rally hard and charge straight into the belly of the beast… vulnerability be damned!

great…great…post, Brad. Thank you