Discovering Work Life Balance
I was recently asked to write an article on “Work Life Balance” for the MIT Sloan School Alumni Magazine. I’m an MIT alum (‘87 and ‘88) and – when I asked what they were looking for – they told me “something personal that talks about how you’ve achieved it.” So – I sat down and cranked out the following. I hope it’s useful / inspiring / thought provoking for others out there in the world searching for the elusive “work life balance thing.”
The challenge of “work life balance” is a central theme for many people, especially entrepreneurs. It took me 15 years, a failed first marriage, and my current wife (Amy Batchelor, Wellesley Graduate) almost calling it quits for me to realize that I had to figure out what “work life balance” meant to me. Today, I can comfortably say that I have a major clue and my life is dramatically better for it.
I started my first company when I was 19 and in college at MIT. I was obsessive, worked incredibly hard, and – while I generally had a lot of fun – was almost always maxed out. This manifested itself in many ways, including always being overcommitted, regularly being exhausted, having a failed marriage when I was 24, and physically changing – according to one of my best friends – from “skinny Brad” to FOB (“fat older Brad”).
During this time, I was very successful at the work I did. I created a company – Feld Technologies – which was acquired by a public company. I helped start and/or finance a number of other companies which went on to be acquired or go public. I helped create a venture capital firm. I was well known and respected within the entrepreneurial community – both for what I had accomplished and what I was working on.
However, until about five years ago, I had absolutely no balance in my life. I was on the road from Monday to Friday, arriving home exhausted at the end of the day Friday. Amy got “the dregs” over the weekend – I’d sleep a lot, spend time in front of my computer getting caught up on all the crap I didn’t get to during the week, and when we went out, I’d always be tired and withdrawn. The burnout cycle continued; every six months I’d completely crash from the effort (I graphically remember a vacation to Hawaii with friends where I slept 20 hours a day for the first four days – so much that Amy thought something was physically wrong with me.) I drank too much, I struggled with my weight, and I felt physically crappy. I loved my work, but I couldn’t see past it.
At age 34 when – on a long weekend with friends where I was completely absent and struggling to get through a difficult deal (for a company that eventually failed) – Amy turned to me and said “I’m done. I’m not mad – I just can’t do this anymore. You either have to change, or it’s over.”
That woke me up! We spent the rest of the weekend talking about what change meant. I knew that this wasn’t a warning. After that weekend, we created a set of well defined rules which have evolved over time. As I discovered what balance meant to me, the rules evolved into a set of habits which – among others – include (1) Spend Time Away, (2) Life Dinner, (3) Segment Space, (4) Be Present, and (5) Meditate. Following are examples of each:
- Spend Time Away: Amy and I take a week long vacation each quarter (which we fondly refer to as “Qx Vacation” depending on which quarter of the year it is) where we completely disappear. No cell phone, no email, no computer, no conference calls – my assistant knows how to find me in case of an emergency; otherwise I’m completely unavailable for the week.
- Life Dinner: We have a standing date on the first day of every month that we call life dinner. Occasionally we’ll invite friends; often we have dinner alone. We have a ritual where we give each other a gift ranging in value from nominal / silly (a fart machine) to expensive / romantic (jewelry). We spend the evening talking about the previous month and about the month to come, grounding ourselves in our current reality.
- Segment Space: We have two homes – one in the mountains of Boulder, Colorado and one in the small town of Homer, Alaska. Both have nice office areas which are clearly separated from the rest of the house. We only have telephones in the offices and, by some delightful fluke of nature, our cell phones don’t work in our Boulder house. We treat our houses as a retreat from the world and, while we do plenty of working at home, where we do this is separate and distinct from the rest of the house.
- Be Present: One of Amy’s lines to me is “Brad – be a person.” This is a signal to me that I’m not present in the moment, that something is troubling me, or simply that I’m tired. Whenever I’m not present, it only takes a short phrase to pull me back from wherever I’ve drifted off to.
- Meditate: I use the word meditate metaphorically – everyone should meditate their own way. Four years ago I became a marathoner – the 6 to 10 hours a week I run is my current form of meditation. I’m also a voracious reader and the 10 hours a week I read extends my meditation time. Do whatever you want, but spend some of your time on yourself.
The habits have created a structure for my life that not only encourages but reinforces a healthy work life balance. My work – which used to overwhelm everything else I did – is still a central part of my life. However, it is no longer my singular focus, nor is it the most important thing to me anymore. The balance that I’ve discovered has helped me understand the value of other things, which has made my work and – more importantly – my life – much more rewarding.
Great post, Brad – and sadly, a familiar story with me (and surely countless other techies) as well. In my case, I still have short bursts where I’m buried in work, but I try to make these periods the rare exception. Having two kids and working from home pretty much guarantees that
One point I’d add is that after seeking balance, the quality of my work actually improved. Getting away from the computer and actually having a life made me a better coder.
Finding Balance
Last summer, Brad Feld spoke at one of my classes at the Bard Center for Entrepreneurship. I have been reading his blog ever since. My focus is typically on his advice for entrepreneurs and his explanations of how the Venture
I have a question about your views on work/life balance. You write that you came closer to achieving this balance after you had become financially successful. But would you have become financially successful without having a poor WLB in the first place? That is, do you believe it is necessary to temporarily skew the WLB towards work to achieve financial success? Or do you think that (as another commentor wrote) having a good WLB actually improves the quality/quantity of work that you can get done?
I’d like to believe that having balance improves the quality/quantity of work that you can get done. I work as “intensely” as I used to but I think I just partition it better and – as a result – am more effective at accomplishing stuff (e.g. I spend time on important / high impact things rather than just working working working). I really don’t have any idea if I was ready / mature enough to make any distinctions until my mid-30’s – so it’s hard to think about “if I knew then what I know now, I would …” – I think it’s all part of the life process.
It’s a great question. I don’t really know the answer.
The Work/Life Balance
Brad Feld blogs about Discovering Work Life Balance, one of the things that matter to me the most these days. I have been working all day in the past 2 years which was very ineffective.
If you work all day,
1. you might loose your motivation and enthu
The Work/Life Balance
Brad Feld blogs about Discovering Work Life Balance, one of the things that matter to me the most these days. I have been working all day in the past 2 years which was very ineffective.
If you work all day,
1. you might loose your motivation and enthu
An interesting post and especially interesting follow up comments. In response to Thomas’ point about whether it’s necessary to temporarily skew the WLB towards work to achieve financial success – for most people just because you’re financially succesful at age X doesn’t mean you will still be financially set 20 years later by not working effectively. And to the extent that one must keep working until they’re, say, 60, it’s a long journey that requires a WLB philosophy that is sustainable. In my opinion you can’t go back and forth btwn work and life, both attitudes must be thoroughly intertwined to work for most of your life pre or post a big financial windfall. And I agree with Brad that when things are in balance you’re more effective. Work smart, not hard.
Great post Brad, with terrific rules to follow.
I only wish this was posted about 7 years ago when I was in a my first start-up. I went through a lot of what you discussed: work — travel, travel, travel; home — nearly divorcing my wife, and having my young son cry when I came home (he was so unfamiliar with me that he would cry himself to sleep in his stroller when I took him for a walk). Finally, I took a good look at myself and my life and pressed the re-set button. Now, many years later, things are finally back to normal. I am now on my fifth start-up, but feel I have the right perspective.
I always wanted to create a great company whose name would be known by everyone. I finally realized that if my kids didn’t even know MY name, the rest didn’t matter.
This is wonderful advice, thank you for your honesty.
The great stuff in the original story and the comments are the telling details — like poor Joe’s son crying himself to sleep in his stroller or Brad sleeping for 20 hours 4 straight days on vacation!
Thanks for this; I found it touching, inspiring and helpful.
Work-life balance
Easy for a guy just back from vacation to address work-life balance, but this post from Brad Feld is very much worth reading. I think I’m pretty good about this overall but still struggle with it sometimes. It’s important to
Hi,
Great post. When I have exams, I always make sure to exercice. It takes an hour. That may seem like a lot of time, but I find that my brain is much more receptive after I exercice. And I get a fun break.
Keeping the Balance
Maybe it’s me, but I sense that people in general are pretty understanding in 2005 if you aren’t available on a certain date due to a family event (I refuse to use the word obligation). When I first had kids, I felt a little uneasy telling someone I co…
I don’t know one person who was successful at what they did without going into manic and monomaniacal phases such as you describe, Brad.
What balance?
So, successful, with strong families – these two must have it all figured out right? Well, looking at their narratives, maybe that’s not the whole story.
What balance?
So, successful, with strong families – these two must have it all figured out right? Well, looking at their narratives, maybe that’s not the whole story.
Brad: Thanks for sharing a great story with us.
Ben: That’s easily one of the best comments I have seen! Thank you and good luck!
Great post Brad. I agree with a couple of comments that startup (i.e flat broke) life often leads to a fanatical focus and erratic schedules. I literally lived in the office of my first startup, and was “lucky” that my girlfriend (now my wife) was out of the country to do her MBA.
I actually discovered a better WLB after we had our first child. But have still plunged back and forth into stupid hours and sole work focus, depending on the projects I was working on. Now that I am back in the startup game supporting very early stage entrepreneurs, and spend a lot of time on this blog thing, keeping priorities straight has proven to be challenging. Thankfully, my wonderful partner is always here to kick my ass and help me refocus on things that matter.
And yes, WLB is definitely a different matter if you are not financially challenged, and can provide for your family.
Gee, whoever said they don’t know anyone who became successful without becoming periodically “manic and monomaniacal” must have some really fun parties. But is that really “success”? Isn’t the point of this post that you can be a success at work but still feel like you’re failing as a human being?
Anyway, nice post.
How to balance work and life
Ex-workaholic Brad Feld writes an honest, inspiring piece on how he achieved a work/life balance after working himself into constant exhaustion, distraction, and an almost-failed marriage. To get his life back, Brad started 4 new habits, including: qua…
Work and Life Balance: work in progress
On Feld Thoughts in Discovering Work Life Balance: As I discovered what balance meant to me, the rules evolved into a set of habits which
Finding Your Work Life Balance – You Decide!
One of my colleagues at work weblogged earlier on today about the continuous struggle to achieve a good work / life balance and suggested some interesting reading to go ahead with it: Brad Feld’s Discovering Work Life Balance. After having read …
Anne,
I posted the comment about “manic and monomaniacal” genius and I stick with it.
Read your history — no great company was ever born out of a lackadaisical (spelling?) approach to innovation.
Ever notice that the biographies of the world’s greatest companies all highlight my point?
To create, you must some use Kobe Bryant-esque laser focus (I’m referring to his b-ball panache, not his bedroom prowess)…
Where I come from you pick one or the other – pleasing someone else or finishing what you started.
Compromise is difficult when you’re starting from the bottom.
Hence, that’s why I found Brad’s original so compelling…
He found a miracle — the sacred middle ground.
i think my comment didnt make it. so…
mo and i deal with all same issues and it also took a failed relationship for me to start to get it. she has to ask me to be present and we have taken to creating ’space’ ourselves and our relationship. i like your rules. we’ll review and maybe add sonme.
great thoughts here.
i’m curious to know thoughts on WLB when you’re single and have no kids. i often read about WLB from the perspective of “my wife almost left me so i got my “junk” together.”
a single persons’ evnironment fosters unhealthy work behavior. (especially when you’re not *really* looking for a relationship, love working / creating new ideas, distant from your family, and generally, always have limited # of friends.)
i’m know i’m out of balance…and most everyone i meet says “you’re the busiest person i know.” (which is funny because i feel i’m a slacker.)
anyway, i’m old enough to know i’ve always worked too much (mid-30s) but, i LOVE “doing” and “creating.” so taking a vacation, (alone) every quarter–esp. when you’re just getting by–doesn’t seem in the cards.
god, this post makes me sound pitiful. actually, i’m goodlooking, gay, and haven’t living in my current city too long to make tons of friends. i’ve been single most of my life, and have come to terms with the fact that i may very well be the rest of it.
i only mention those things so i don’t have to follow up on comments about “did your work habits run off your girlfriend?”, “maybe you could spend more time with your family”, “hang out with your friends more?” etc.
just curious. i think about this a lot. thanks.
Great post Brad.
Sadly working as an architect here in NYC, i get only ten paid days of vacation a year !!
Discovering Work Life Balance
Brad Feld has a brilliant post on his blog. It is so much more relevant in today’s day and age. As I discovered what balance meant to me, the rules evolved into a set of habits which – among others – include (1) Spend Time Away, (2) Life Dinner, (3…
I like this post and I believe first time that someone has written about how actually it life should be balanced.
When I joined this industry of IT about 3.5yrs back, i gave a thought of same after seeing how others work and screw up their personal life.
I follow my own set of routine which I posted in http://krisathish.blogspot.com/2005/07/typical-day.html
Of course, I have completed two full marathons this year and looking for two more. Running helps a lot to refresh yourself and gives you time to think about lot of other things.
Discovering Work Life Balance
Brad Feld has a brilliant post on his blog. It is so much more relevant in today’s day and age. As I discovered what balance meant to me, the rules evolved into a set of habits which – among others – include (1) Spend Time Away, (2) Life Dinner, (3…
Your post coincides with this simplified “notion” that I have been mulling over the past few weeks, and would like to share with y’all.
SUCCESS = balanced growth
whereas
CANCER = unchecked growth
Discovering Work Life Balance
You know, this is something that I can't stress enough to any Internet entreprener that I meet in passing or at a conference. Really, there are many things you can do for your business to make it grow, and make it more successful - the thin…
Brad,
Wonderful post! You might have just opened my eyes on what I am really doing wrong! Thank you very much for the post!
Tomorrow, especially if you haven’t recently, buy her some flowers, just for the hell of it. You will both enjoy them…
For Workaholics….
Exclusively for workaholics, great post on work/life balance. Three things touched me and those are ‘Life…
Hi Brad,
Thank you for your inspirational story on life balance… a topic that I’m keenly interested in. The dimensions you and Amy have added to your lives to round out to keep you in the moment are creative and fantastic! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Brad,
Since your blog aims towards entrepreneurship and startups, I would like to tell you about Barry Moltz as I think you and your fellow bloggers might benefit from the information. Barry Moltz has touched the lives of many entrepreneurs via his writing. His first book, entitled You Need to be a Little Crazy: The Truth About Starting and Growing Your Business, is a true-to-life, inspiring look at what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur. He delivers irreverent, straight talk about the complex intersection of start-up business, financial health, physical well-being, spiritual wholeness and family life. His perspective is augmented with personal tales from the entrepreneurial front. He offers insights that will vaporize isolation, encourage self-reflection, and refresh the spirit of anyone who has started a business or is considering doing so.
Please let me know if you would review his book online. If so, I can send you a free copy.
Thank you,
Sarah
Very interesting discussion … Glad you were able to recognize the right balance before it affected your 2nd marriage. By the way, I only remember the “skinny Brad” from ADP.
Balancing Act: working vs family life
Balancing Act: working vs family life
Hi Brad
I enjoyed your Feld Thought on this one. Will tag it for my own musings on the possibilities for living as a balanced lawyer (if they actually exist)
Thanks
Sharon
Work life balance was always a major challenge at Microsoft and I’m seeing some of the same thing with the Googlers that I know. Drawing from my experience and lessons learned, I posted this list of suggested New Year’s Resolutions for Googlers that are generally relevant to anyone working in a high intensity businesss…
http://marketvelocity.blogspot.com/2005/12/new-years-resolutions-for-googlers.html
An interesting post and especially interesting follow up comments. In response to Thomas’ point about whether it’s necessary to temporarily skew the WLB towards work to achieve financial success – for most people just because you’re financially succesful at age X doesn’t mean you will still be financially set 20 years later by not working effectively. And to the extent that one must keep working until they’re, say, 60, it’s a long journey that requires a WLB philosophy that is sustainable. In my opinion you can’t go back and forth btwn work and life, both attitudes must be thoroughly intertwined to work for most of your life pre or post a big financial windfall. And I agree with Brad that when things are in balance you’re more effective. Work smart, not hard.
I don’t know one person who was successful at what they did without going into manic and monomaniacal phases such as you describe
Hi Brad,
I really enjoyed reading your post. I don’t know if I shall ever achieve the perfect WLB, but I think I’ve made some significant strides towards it. Three years ago, I left my position in high tech marketing, flew home to San Francisco and stayed with my family for three weeks – a self-imposed time-out to decide what I really wanted to do with my life. I was tired of being tired and not feeling fulfilled. At the end of three weeks, the light bulb went off and I made a list of changes that I needed to implement in my life in order to be happy. I flew back to CO and networked my way into a position as a designer with a home remodeling firm. I don’t think I would have been able to shift gears like that without taking the time off to clear my head, readjust and refocus. I LOVE the fact that you and Amy take Qx vacations without phones, laptops, etc. Don’t ever give those up! Even for people who only have 10 days of vacation a year, your Qx vacation concept could probably be modified to a Qx long weekend!
WOFTBO “Watch Out For The Burn Out”
Nice post and I like your very structured solution. I often meet unbalanced people and will tell some of them about your approach.
Thanks for this Brad – at nearly 30, I’m glad that I’ve read this now, from someone who has done what I am doing, and who has confirmed what I kinda felt intuitively.
Anyways – thanks again
i have just started my first blog on the same topic and found your article amazing. i do agree on lot of ideas u presented here, its intersting.
thanks,
freedom.
Brad, thank you for your excellent post about why finding your work life balance was important to your entrepreneurship. In working with entrepreneurs, especially the new generation of Baby Boomer Entrepreneurs, there is a deep appreciation that work life balance is important if business is to replace retirement for the immediate future. Yet, few people know how to begin to craft work life balance into their reality.
You have written a great article from the entrepreneur’s perspective. I have added a link to your post in a free directory I have established to help new entrepreneurs think about all aspects of work life balance.
Shallie Bey
Smarter Small Business Blog
[...] Discovering Work Life Balance The challenge of “work life balance” is a central theme for many people, especially entrepreneurs. It took me 15 years, … almost calling it quits for me to realize that I had to figure out what “work life balance” meant to me. Today, I can comfortably say that I have a major clue and my life is dramatically better for it. (tags: work balance health productivity feld) [...]
[...] is often a topic that individuals plan on thinking about when they have time. For Brad Feld, this topic "took me 15 years, a failed first marriage, and my current wife (Amy Batchelor, Wellesley [...]
[...] balance. He also shares the changes he implemented to achieve more balance in his life. Also, see a previous article by Brad on this very topic. Here are key [...]
[...] Brad Feld’s examples on creating space for relationships: [...]
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,..] http://www.feld.com is another relavant source of information on this issue,..]