Who Would You Miss The Most If You Weren’t Here

This morning’s question during my Headspace meditation session was “Who or what would you miss the most if you weren’t here.”

Over the last few months, my meditation practice has been spotty. Something indeterminate happened and I just fell out of the routine. I’ve been told by my meditating friends that this happens often and not to worry about it, but rather just to start practicing again when you feel like it.

I’m feeling very maxed out right now. I know there’s some cliche about VCs taking it easy in August but that never seems to be my reality. For the past 45 days I’ve pretty much been saying “no” or “I don’t have any time” to anything new that has come up. I don’t really see that changing – I feel full – so this morning I sat down to meditate for 20 minutes.

As I sat down and got comfortable, I realized how incredibly tense I was. Not just physically tense, but mentally and emotionally tense. I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders and when there was a big pop, it was more than physical. I settled into the meditation session and a few minutes in was confronted with the question “Who or what would you miss the most if you weren’t here.”

Amy and Brooks immediately came to my mind. Bing bing bing – I got the right answer. But I know it’s not about that so I just let the thought float away.

Robin Williams came into my mind. I was sad that he was in such distress that he took his own life.

A friend who is going through a divorce surfaced. The pain from my first marriage and divorce jolted through me.

Amy and Brooks came to my mind. I held them there for a few moments.

A work issue that is front of mind intruded. I observed that I was having the thought and let it float away.

Amy and Brooks again.

I felt the tension leaving my shoulders. I sat a little deeper. I listened to what Andy from Headspace was saying, but I didn’t really hear it.

I tried on the feeling of what it would be like to not be here. I wasn’t hear, but was somewhere else, observing here. That became really uncomfortable, so I let it go.

Amy and Brooks.

As I finished the session and stretched, I felt everything soften. My shoulders are less tight. My gaze is softer. I’m clear about who I would miss the most and am going to go spend a little time with them before the day starts in earnest.

Who would you miss the most if you weren’t here?

  • koolhead17

    I had exactly same thought 4 days back & i ended up writing a blog. http://atuljha.com/blog/2014/08/15/things-i-will-miss-if-i-die-anytime-soon/ You might find it funny. 🙂

    • Nice post. It made me smile.

      • koolhead17

        Glad to know. 🙂

  • Jo T.


  • Your heart and your head is in the right place… keep doing more of this.

    • Thx my friend. I miss you. Hope Iceland is beautiful.

      • I miss you too, I plan to make a trip to see you and Amy soon. Iceland is always beautiful and there is always something happening. There is a big volcano Bárðarbunga about to erupt… this has not erupted in 400 years and probably one of the largest in Iceland. Every airport and airline in Europe are freaking out. In other news, I pretty comfortable knowing we are quite far away from it. http://en.vedur.is/about-imo/news/nr/2938

  • My wife and my pet, and materially speaking, my 13 guitars. And when I come to think of it, the circle broadens quickly to include many people, places and opportunities.

    BTW, your transparency inspires me…

    • “Are all those your guitars?” Name that tune…

  • Mary Smith

    Neat. Thanks for this.

  • My husband and daughter… I woke up thinking about Robin Williams, an article I read on trends in suicide (highly skewed to retired white men), a viral social media post on regrets men have late in life, and your last post on depression /open invitation to CEOs. I have thoughts and questions on the confluence of each and how to adress depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. I’m going to look them up.

  • Rick

    Your meditation is different from mine. I clear my mind from all thoughts while meditating. Have you been taught that you’re suppose to let thoughts come and go while meditating? Just wondering.

  • Loved this post. As always, you help me remain grounded. Thanks, friend.

  • My wife Erika and my son Jackson are the reasons for every breath I take and move I make. They are on the top of my list. I couldn’t imagine a moment without them.

    I too have been mentally and emotionally tense lately; this weekend, I couldn’t get out of it, even after going to my happy place of Barnes & Noble to walk around. I’ve been thinking a lot about Robin Williams, and am disappointed that his terrible departure has passed as “newsworthy” — the stigma associated with mental health must remain newsworthy until we collectively combat that very stigma.

    But to your post, thank you — despite the external stresses I have going on, you helped me focus on all that really matters. My family. My dear friends. Being present. Being grateful. And of course, mentoring TS 🙂

  • Michele

    I started doing Headspace last spring after reading about it in one of your posts, and now I look forward to my 20 minutes with Andy every morning. 🙂 So thank you for pointing me to that app — it has changed my life. I’ve done 155 sessions, and I like it more with each new series. I encourage you to stick with it. Try to have no judgement & no expectation of your meditation — just stick with it.

  • I love your posts.

    Mindfulness is extremely important, and meditation is a great way to get there.

    You know, they say the great masters, they’re meditating even when they’re not meditating. Meaning that they go through life in a centered, highly aware meditative, i guess, state.

    We should be so lucky.

    Who would I miss is a great question.

    This may sound like a cop-out answer (hopefully not) but I find that when I am at peace with myself that I miss many people, and that when I’m not, many fewer. Missing someone can be egoistic of course, but it can also be a sense of feeling related to others as well. The super independent person doesn’t need anyone, so he or she feels, but this bubble usually gets popped sooner or later.

    Your authenticity is setting a great example.

    Plus they are fun to read.

  • Wife and kids, hands down.

  • Lynda Colter-Bergh

    Having had a period of about a month in my life in which my heart would stop, but consciousness remained until it started again (no explanation medically), I know my feelings. I had no white light, no transition over, just an absolute, indescribable peace. I would think, “well, this time, I just don’t think I’m going to come out of it. Wonder what’s next…why don’t I feel scared? I probably should try to come back. I don’t want my husband to find me dead. That would destroy him…and my parents…parents shouldn’t have to bury their kids…” At that point, I would usually feel what pacemaker patients say they feel when it jump-starts their heart, a jolt that felt like I was hit with a cattle prod. So, for me, I know there would be no missing – not because I don’t care – but because I know my consciousness is not my body and continues on (to what, I don’t know). What always brought me back, though, was my husband or my parents.

  • Tomorrow

  • Pecan Pie

  • When you meditate, do you visualize your future or just reflect?

    What I find most difficult to do is have a sustainable routine to take care of myself…having 3 small kids, working wife and a startup. I notice I lose site of doing things I enjoy…running, hiking, biking, baseball games, meditating…

    Also, its increasingly difficult to live in the moment and not have your mind race about various things…

    thanks for the transparency and openness.