Stephen Colbert Can Write Op-Ed’s

The best thing I read in the paper (or on the Internet, or in my email, or on the side of a building) today was I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!).  I rarely watch The Colbert Report (or The Daily Show) – I have enough friends that email me links to the funny bits. 

There were so many “best lines” that it’s hard to pick one.  Seth’s was (when Colbert was referring to a potentially new entrant in the 2008, or 2012, or 2016 election):

“Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.”

Mine was:

“Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.”

Or maybe:

“And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.”

Well – whatever.  The whole damn thing is hysterical.

  • I really like Thompson, but he is better in the movies then in real life. Al Gore is overrated anyways.

  • Thanks for posting this Brad. Colbert is hysterical. Here’s a snippet from the White House Correspondents Dinner, for old times sake…

  • Alexander

    “Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

    There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too. ”

    That is hands down the best line!